Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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