God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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