apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
