You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I want her autograph on my taint
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
