The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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