I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
