They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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