Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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