I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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