oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
