I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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