Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
