We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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