The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
