I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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