This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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