One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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