life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
