Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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