I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
