evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
