I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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