What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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