it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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