you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize