We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
