She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
