I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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