too bad you live with your parents still
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize