i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
