remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
