You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
