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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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