Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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