she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
