I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Still dying that you shit outside
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
