he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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