I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
