Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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