I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
