so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
