I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
