I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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