Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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