none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
