Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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