She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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