I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
