we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
