Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
