how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
last night I used snow as a chaser
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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