i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
