the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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