some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
