That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
