i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
