Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
