i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I faked an abortion last night.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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