I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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