my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize