Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize