You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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