You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize