to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
